being an adult...

is hard.
making the right decisions is hard.
persevering is hard.
there are SO many things that are SO hard.
prioritizing isn't easy, but it's even harder to actually follow your priorities.
one of the few things you enjoy in life, for that to be taken away...is hard, and heart breaking if anything.
i dont really talk about my life outside of vox...
but as of lately...life has been very close to hell.
this week i will have to make a decision...
and that decision may lead to me being unable to go to japan...
it's so late notice...
but things happen SO unexpectedly...and i dont mean good things.
even up until...yesterday i was 110% sure i was going to japan the last week of august...
and then a turn of events change that percentage to 50% now.
i really really wanted to cry when i found out...
but then i realized how selfish i was being.
part of me thinks...i deserve this trip.
i've been working my ass off...i deserve this...
but thinking about spending all that money for my own selfish reasons...
i can't help but feel extremely guilty...
this week i'll talk to my mom and see what's going to happen...
and if it so happens that i cannot go to japan...
i'll probably stay away from vox for awhile...
and cry on the 29th, 30th, and the 2nd...
but in the end i will be alright.
things happen for a reason...
and i cannot expect for my happiness to always come first.
there are a few people that are going to read this and be like "WTF" ...
yea i said the same thing.
i'll know for sure if i can go or not by the beginning of next week.
thank god airplane tickets can be changed to other dates.
it's too bad concert tickets can't be exchanged just as easily. oh well.